Conversations over Coffee
by java2guzzle
Summary: Luke regrets hurting Rory's feelings and wants to apologize; but, he isn't sure how. Rory is so hurt that she might not hear him out even if he figures out how to say sorry.
1. On the street where you live

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls although I enjoy watching the show very much.

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Luke parked the truck and pulled on the emergency brake. Shifting sideways he checked out the driver's side window to get his bearings, then grabbed the brown paper bag on the seat beside him and opened the door. It was dark already; it was getting dark so early now. He followed the cobblestone walkway to the dormitory and reached for the slip of paper in his pocket. He double-checked the number he had quickly copied from Lane's address book, and then walked up to the door.

Now that he was standing here he felt nervous. The whole drive out he had rehearsed what he wanted to say, but he still didn't have any tactic settled on. Every line of reasoning he tried to follow just seemed to head in a direction where he really didn't want to go. He backed away from the door and leaned sideways against the billboard beside her room. He briefly scanned over the papers advertising various functions around campus: lots of mixers and parties, a few lectures, a few 'for sale' notices. He briefly envied her this time in her life. So much was ahead of her – there was so much to learn, so much to look forward too. He wanted to be part of it, so he screwed up his courage and went back to stand in front of the door.

Before he could knock it was yanked open and he briefly had time to register that she was turned away from him calling over her shoulder: "I'll be right back Paris, do you want the double espresso?" Then she collided into him. He clumsily caught her as she lost her balance and looked up. There was an awkward pause.

"Luke? Um, what are you doing here? Is everything OK?" She sounded surprised.

"Oh sure, sure," he answered awkwardly. He cursed internally as his mind went blank and he couldn't think of one of his important, rehearsed lines. Oh heck, they weren't working for him anyway. She stared at him and her look of surprise was replaced with a blank, shuttered look.

"Well," she said, "as you can see I was just on my way out so..." He was surprised at how cold she sounded. He saw a thin familiar-looking blonde girl peek out of a door.

"Rory! Oh good you haven't left. I was thinking about the class list and...," she trailed off and looked at Luke curiously. "Oh sorry, hey don't I know you? Aren't you someone from Stars Hollow? I'm thinking scandal; I'm thinking truckers, drugs, prostitution..."

"Paris! This is Luke, he runs the diner in Stars Hollow!" Rory interrupted her as Luke started to frown.

"What does he want?" Paris asked.

"I don't know," Rory countered and turned to Luke, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted, I mean, I wanted to talk. Or see how you were doing or something like that," he started sheepishly then remembered the paper bag he was holding. Well, it was in more of a death grip now. "I was in the neighbourhood and I brought you some of those triple-chocolate brownies you like so much," he offered tentatively as he held out the bag.

Paris ran out of the bedroom and took the bag out of his hand. "Yummy!" she exclaimed as she reached into the bag to grab one. She bit a corner off.

"Holy cow are these excellent! I can feel the sugar and chocolate enter my bloodstream! Have you ever though of marketing these? Seriously, these would be great for late night studying. Wow, you could make a fortune."

She took another bite and chewed it as she looked over at Rory and Luke curiously. Luke was looking at his feet and shuffling a bit, and Rory looked carefully blank.

"Hey," Paris said cheerfully, "you know what would go perfect with these brownies? A double espresso! Wasn't someone just on her way to get one?" She looked back and forth at Luke and Rory who still hadn't changed position. "Rooorrryyy!" she drawled as she nudged Rory in the arm, "coffee?"

"Oh yeah, sorry Paris. Sorry Luke, I can't chat, I was just running out. Thanks for the brownies; I guess I'll see you later." She dismissed him.

She turned to Paris, "don't eat them all before I get back!" she forced out.

She went to brush past Luke who was still in the doorway, but as she went by he touched her arm briefly. She pulled it away. "Rory? Here, I'll walk with you."

She passed by him walked briskly down the same walkway he had just come up.

"Rory...". She turned and looked at him. He'd never seen that look on her face before. He'd seen something like it on Lorelai once, but that was a time he didn't really like to remember.

"Luke, I have to go and I don't really want to talk. Thanks again for the brownies. Say 'hi' to mom – I assume she sent you here."

"No, no, she didn't," he replied as she looked at him in disbelief. "Actually she hasn't talked about it, but I had to come and see you. Rory, you have to let me apologize. Please just let me say sorry, OK? Then I'll go."

"OK, fine, I let you say sorry and now you can go. Bye." She turned to walk away again and he followed her.

"Wait, wait. There's more. I wanted to explain," he started and she stopped and turned around again.

She was blinking hard and her voice was a bit unsteady as she said, "What Luke, do you have more to add to your opinion that you expressed so freely the other night? How else have I disappointed you? How low am I in your esteem? Is this what you need to say? Well, don't bother – I already heard all of it, and probably more, from Mom and believe me you two are really bad in stereo." Her voice cracked and she turned around again and started to walk off.

"Rory, I'm so sorry." He continued after her, "I shouldn't have ever said those things. I don't know what came over me. I don't have the right to talk to you that way, and you have to believe me when I tell you that I was in the wrong." She kept walking.

"Rory, stop a minute, let me tell you," she paused, but didn't turn this time. "Rory," he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "I'm not really good at this kind of thing. I want to say something to make it better between us again, but I thought all the way here what that would be and I still don't know. I still thought I should come and try." She shifted her feet.

"What you said about my disappointment in you, well, that's not true. I'm so proud of you. I always have been. Geez, I don't know another single kid that's as level-headed as you are."

He faltered a bit wondering where this sappy stuff was coming from, but she was still standing there so he thought he'd better push on, "I guess you're one of the people I care about most and I was worried I came across really judgmental." He looked at her back, "Can we, uh, I mean, is there a way to make this right? What can I do to make it better? Can I do something to set it right?"

She turned and looked at him and surreptitiously wiped her eye. "Did you mean what you said Luke? Are you saying that you didn't mean what you said?"

"Uh, well, I should have never said anything at all. I don't have that right. That's not the point..."

"Oh, I think it is exactly the point Luke," she snapped, and then she stopped and continued more quietly, "I really want to know. Did you mean what you said?"

Oh god, he was really wishing he were at home now. He thought he was making some headway and now he was really in shit. 'What do I do now,' he thought, 'if I lie she'll see through it. But I don't want to tell her the truth.' He hesitated too long.

"Luke? I guess that means you did mean it, right?"

"Look Rory, it's more complicated than that. I don't know how to explain all this in a simple way. Look, you know about me and Nicole, I mean you were around for that, but, well, did Lorelai ever tell you anything?"

She looked at him curiously, "No, what do you mean? I know Mom wasn't happy about the whole marriage thing, but she didn't really talk about it to me. I don't want to sound rude but are you changing the subject? You still didn't answer me."

"I'm trying," he protested. Then he sighed. "Honestly, this is really hard. I feel like if I tell you some things you might understand why I acted the way I did, but, Geez, it's a subject I feel really uncomfortable talking about."

"You seemed OK the other night when you were talking about subjects that make me uncomfortable ..." 

He looked around awkwardly, "Look, is there some place to sit down? Some place where there's beer, preferably."

She took a little pity on him. "I can get you a seat at a really good coffee place," she offered and started walking again, but this time a little more slowly so he could walk with her.

**TBC**


	2. The Lorelai'd coffee shop

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls although I enjoy watching the show very much.

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A little while later they were sitting at a small table at the back of the coffee bar. Luke wondered if it was always so busy. At least the noise level gave them a sense of privacy. Rory had some sort of fancy coffee concoction that cost him five bucks, and he had an herbal tea with a weird-sounding name.

"So, how'd you find this place?" He wondered aloud, trying to start up the conversation again.

"Oh, we Lorelai'd it last year." Rory responded, sipping her drink.

"Lorelai'd?" Luke chuckled.

"Oh yeah, remember when Mom came back last year after I moved in and she kept your truck for so long? Well, she threw this really cool wingding in our room and we tried out all the fast food joints and coffee houses close by and rated them according to service, quality, price, and cuteness factor of delivery boys." Rory explained as Luke laughed.

"Yeah, I can just see her," he smiled fondly.

Rory rolled her eyes, "You two are so _together_ it's sickening," she complained. She turned her attention back to her drink and there was another lull in the conversation.

"I kind of envy you guys you know. Remember that bad date I had last year? The urine mint guy?"

Luke nodded with a grin.

"That was almost the highlight of my dating scene last year. I had no one. I was really lonely. Everyone knew how lonely I was. It was embarrassing. I just kept thinking of who was out there for me, you know? There must have been someone really awesome waiting around for someone just like me. Then I remembered Dean. He was always so nice to me, and so good, and he loved, I mean loves, me so much and no one else is there. I just wanted to feel special and important and loved. I don't even know if I meant for it to go this far. I just didn't think. I got caught up in the moment and then everything fell apart." Her voice tapered off to a whisper.

Luke looked at her with pity. "I guess I know how you feel. Maybe that's why I was with Nicole. I was lonely and she really liked me and we had fun together. I thought that would be enough, and it was for awhile. Then we went on that stupid cruise and the whole thing was shot to hell. I don't know why we went ahead with the marriage." He looked at her, "I guess I didn't think either. I got caught up in the moment and boy, did things go bad fast."

Rory looked up, "What went wrong? Do you mind me asking?" She saw his face and added, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It's not that," Luke assured her, "it's not you. It's sort of like I don't want to tell anyone really. I would just rather not think about it at all."

"That's OK, I understand," she said.

"No, I think I should tell you. Just bear with me here. Let me think for a sec." He paused.

"It's like this. Things didn't go well for us and we started to fight a lot. I didn't know why at the time. She didn't seem happy about anything, and here I was just being myself and I couldn't figure out what her problem was. Now I think I know. I didn't do enough. I sort of let her do all the work because she wanted the relationship more than I did. My heart wasn't really in it. I mean, I thought the relationship was OK and all, and she's really nice, but I don't think I really gave her anything of me to work with. Does that make sense?"

"I think so," Rory said, "but I'm kind of wondering where you're going with this. Are you trying to talk about Mom?"

"Uh, no, I don't know. I think that's a different issue." Luke almost visibly backed up in his train of thought.

"Sorry," Rory said, "go on."

"Well, things got particularly bad and I was getting some signs that things were really wrong, but I mainly tried to ignore them." He held his hand up to stop her from speaking, "Don't ask me why. I'm just that way. Hey, I'm trying to tell you something here!"

He drank some tea and thought a bit.

"One day I came back from her apartment and realized I wasn't wearing my socks," he stated.

"What? What do you mean? Were you wearing her socks?" She looked confused.

"No, I was wearing men's socks, but they weren't mine." He was starting to get déjà vu.

"Oh my God! Luke!" Rory looked horrified.

Luke didn't meet her eye. He stared into the teacup and wished again that he were at home. He did find some slight humour in the situation anyway – Rory was a lot quicker picking up on the importance of the socks than Lorelai had been. He was a bit relieved that he wouldn't have to explain anymore.

"That slut!" Rory said angrily. Then she slapped her hand over her mouth as her eyes widened. She sat for a heartbeat, then jumped up, grabbed her coat, and flew out the door. Luke wasn't far behind.

"Ohmidgod, ohmigod, ohmigod... What have I done," she cried as she blindly walked away from the diner.

"Rory..." Luke started, and then Rory burst into tears. He walked up and patted her awkwardly on the head. She crossed her arms tightly around her ribcage and sobbed.

"Don't cry," he said uncomfortably. He was starting to think that this had really backfired when she swiveled around and put her head on his shoulder and continued to cry. He just stood and patted her head. When she had stopped crying a bit he handed her a napkin from the coffee bar and she wiped her face. He had a feeling that his shirt had done most of the wiping.

"You must hate me," she said simply.

"No! God, no!" he shook her shoulder slightly, "Rory, I care about you more than, well, more than myself!"

She hiccupped a bit.

"That's why I over-reacted, that's why I said those things. I just didn't want you to go through the hurt and the pain that I did. You deserve better. Take it from me; it's not enough to be with someone who loves you. You need to love them."

"I want to love someone," she said sadly.

"I know, you will," he said positively.

"How do you know for sure?"

"I just know," he said.

"The same way you knew for my Mom?" She twinkled up at him.

He laughed, "Well, the deck was kind of stacked when I told your mom that. Hey, are you feeling better?"

"No." She sighed, "But, I will."

"OK, why don't I go back into the coffee shop and get a couple of those double espressos to go and you and Paris can get really hyper on the brownies and not get any sleep tonight?"

"You know, I think my mom is really having a bad influence on you. This encouragement of junk food consumption is really out of character!"

"Well, just this once it'll be our little secret," he quipped as he went back into the store.

He came out a few minutes later and handed her the cups. "Careful, they're hot."

"I gotcha," she replied.

"Well, I'm just parked over there, so, I'm going to get going."

"OK," she said, "and thanks Luke."

"Sure, no problem. Hey, we're good?" He looked at her closely.

"Yah, we're good." She smiled.

"OK, good." He paused. "We're not talking about this ever again, right?" He looked worried.

She laughed, "Ay, ay Captain. The secrets you impart will never pass these, my lips."

"Well, good," he said, relieved.

"Um, Luke, do you want me to _not_ tell Mom that you came here?"

"Oh, well, it's up to you really. I know how you guys are and I wouldn't tell you to keep anything from her..." he tapered off. "She knows about the socks and the aftermath if that's what you mean, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Aftermath?!"

"Yes, well, look at the time," he started backing up, "I really have to get up early so I have to run, but it's been good having this chat and I hope to see you in the diner soon. Good luck at school and all..." He turned and started to walk faster.

Rory laughed, "Luke! You know I have to call mom now." She heard him mutter, "Oh crap!"

She continued to chuckle as he got in the truck. He gave her a little wave before pulling out of the parking lot. As she watched him drive off she realized that this was the first time in weeks that she had actually laughed out loud. She was still smiling as she turned to go back to the dorm where Paris would undoubtedly be upset about the long wait for her coffee. 'Maybe she'll be so hyped up on brownies I'll get off easy,' Rory hoped. And for the first time in weeks she thought things just might work out OK after all.

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_Thanks to all the reviewers. I'm glad you liked the first chapter. Hopefully this winds it up satisfactorily for you. I was trying to make some sense of the Rory/Dean craziness to comfort myself. BTW, I just saw a preview for next week and it looks really funny!_


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